| | Ever since my booster shots in kinder, whenever someone approaches me with a needle, my body gets weak and I start to laugh as if being descended upon by a tickle monster. It earned me extra praise and Alf stickers from the doctor that one time. Maybe that's why, to this day, a needle in my arm continues to elicit the same response. Immunization clinics, blood donation drives, shooting galleries(kidding!). It never fails. And if I actually watch the needle penetrate, I'll literally be in...stitches. ahem.
SO, I'm sitting across from the techie lady, my arm down and exposed, my fist clenched, with a blue-green vein throbbing and asking for it. My face is turned away and suppressing stupid giggles as I feel the tiny pinch. Then I hear the rubbery snap of the latex band shoot off my bicep by itself and a woman's short gasp. I look across from me and the medical assistant has peeled off her gloves and is holding her hand as if she slammed it in a car door.
The blood vial thingy is on the floor but intact, and there are drops of blood trickling from her thumb.
Let me just tell you, it's really disconcerting to watch someone so professional-looking in a white lab coat lose composure. A little thin trail of blood starts oozing down my forearm from where the needle was in me.
I offer her a look of shock and horror and say, "Oh, my god." Immediately followed by, "What the hell happened?"
"I pricked myself," she says.
More shock and horror.
Then I say, "Have you done that before?" For a second, I thought maybe it wasn't a big deal. That she would say, "no worries, this happens all the time", instead of "No!" then yelling for a colleague before going into the bathroom to wash her hands and cry.
"Jesus," I say, as another lady sits down to finish me up. I'm too stunned so my chuckle reflex is disabled this time.
Poor woman. Came into
work expecting a typical morning at her job.
Instead, she gets a traumatic brush with contamination by icky young
foreign peace corps volunteer poison blood.
I really do feel bad for scaring her.
But little does she know…at the next full moon, the
brooding, esoteric magical properties of my blood will enhance her abilities
through a twisted Sailor-Moon-like transformation. She will be supercharged with levels of
superhuman awesomeness and charm that she won’t know what to do with
herself. Remember my good woman, with
great kick-ass awesomess, comes great kick-ass responsibility. It’s a blessing….and a curse!
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| | Posted 6/30/2008 3:43 PM - 75 Views - 4 eProps - 4 comments
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