| | I am leaving you.
My mind is made up. We both knew this day would come. I'm outta here. And I'm not going to feel bad about it either. Don't expect any remorse from me. I'm sorry, but I'm just that kind of guy. The kind that offers ZERO apology.
I tried. I really did. Okay, to be fair, we BOTH tried. But mostly me. Our working relationship just didn't work. If we were honest with ourselves and one another a long time ago, we would have accepted that we just weren't cut out for each other. But we were more stubborn than your emblematic donkey. We plowed on. We put on brave smiles of community partnership for the in-laws, and showcased a convincing united front of cross-cultural grass-roots development at our cocktails parties. And in the bedroom, let's face it: we mostly only went through the motions of capacity building.
I must admit that walking out on you prematurely did cross my mind. But as you are aware, early termination is against my religion and thus, I was going to honor my commitment to you and uphold the vows from our swear-in day. I took you to be my island of assignment. In sickness and in health. No, wait. Only in health. For richer or for poorer. Um, no hold on. Only for poorer. Til medical or administrative separation do we part, for as long as we both shall live until my COS date.
I know I wasn't the best volunteer. Far from it. I know now that I made you insecure, jealous, and possessive by spending an inappropriate amount of time with other villages. I knew it bothered you, but I didn't meant to hurt you by it. I just needed to get out every week, you know? And be with communities for a while that would just let me be me. Communities that didn't judge me for my antics at carnival. Communities that didn't ask me to do stuff all the time.
Hey, it's not like you didn't go out of your way to make me jealous first. I didn't need to constantly hear about your former Peace Corps volunteers and how they were so wonderful.
'Warren was so funny!' 'Warren learned my language!' 'Warren introduced me to James Madison University!'
Yeah, yeah. Rub my face in his legacy.
And Mario.
I can't count the times you and I were right there, hot and heavy in the middle of a project, or in flowing social intercourse, and you shamelessly mistakenly call me by his name. Well, newsflash, mountain village! I'm not Mario! Name's Jose, good to meet ya! <door slam>.
Alright, alright. I'm back. I'm better now. Truth is, it doesn't matter whose fault it was. My friends say your expectations were too high. Your friends say I just wasn't mature enough to be a stable, providing volunteer. But we saw it through and basically stayed together for the kids. The sweet, saucy, bright-faced, energetic little kids who are oblivious to my faults except when they overhear you criticizing me.
And I'm glad that I did stay.
No hard feelings. We're both better off for having been together these past two years. Well, let's be honest. I'm better off for having known you. You're better off not from me serving you, but because of your own progression from the development that you are cultivating on your own two feet. And at those two feet lies the crux, little rural community. You never really needed me. And that's nothing to be ashamed of.
You tired me out. But I'll rest on the fond memories we share.
love always,
your peace corps.
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| | Posted 9/5/2008 1:05 AM - 26 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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